December 9: Die Hard (1988)

Pre-Screening Sips

• My friends, we’ve arrived at one of the great cinematic debates: Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? In order to answer this question, we turn to the Christmas Cheer Counter, where the appearance of Christmasness yields Cheer Points

Post-Screening Snippets

• Giant Christmas tree at the corporate office party – 2 Cheer Points
• John McClane asking for Christmas music – 2 Cheer Points
• Christmas tree in tower lobby – 1 Cheer Point
• Whistling “Jingle Bells” – 1 Cheer Point
• Ridiculous 80s hair that recalls bad holiday cards – 2 Cheer Points
• Boy band-haircut/sweatpants villain coming down the elevator with a Santa hat – 3 Cheer Points
• “Ho-Ho-Ho” – 2 Cheer Points
• Family melodrama after Boy band-haircut dies – 2 Cheer Points
• “Merry Christmas” exchange at the gas station – 1 Cheer Point
• Al singing “Let it Snow” – 1 Cheer Point
• Man sneaking pieces of candy – 1 Cheer Point
• “Christmas. It’s the time of Miracles” – 1 Cheer Point
• Poinsettias as they drag away the body of Cokehead McGee – 1 Cheer Point
• Screaming “It’s Christmas Eve!” at people when you don’t want to do things – 1 Cheer Point
•  Infusing “Hallelujah” throughout the score – 3 Cheer Points
• Mentioning Jesus – 1 Cheer Point (It’s when he sees the dynamite, but still)
• Jingle bells heard during the climax – 2 Cheer Points
• Returning a corporate gift by throwing it out of a building – 1 Cheer Point
• Ending the film with “Let it Snow” – 3 Cheer Points

The Final Hot Chocolate

            As everyone knows,* a film needs to achieve 25 Cheer Points to earn Christmas movie status. Based on the tally above, it is absolutely clear that Die Hard is officially a Christmas movie. And an awesome one at that.

GRADE: A-

*I made this up