December 9: Die Hard (1988)

Die Hard. Directed by John McTiernan. 20th Century Fox, 1988.

Pre-Screening Sips

  • My friends, we’ve arrived at one of the great cinematic debates: Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? In order to answer this question, we turn to the Christmas Cheer Counter, where the appearance of Christmasness yields Cheer Points

Post-Screening Snippets

  • Giant Christmas tree at the corporate office party – 2 Cheer Points
  • John McClane asking for Christmas music – 2 Cheer Points
  • Christmas tree in tower lobby – 1 Cheer Point
  • Whistling “Jingle Bells” – 1 Cheer Point
  • Ridiculous 80s hair that recalls bad holiday cards – 2 Cheer Points
  • Boy band-haircut/sweatpants villain coming down the elevator with a Santa hat – 3 Cheer Points
  • “Ho-Ho-Ho” – 2 Cheer Points
  • Family melodrama after Boy band-haircut dies – 2 Cheer Points
  • “Merry Christmas” exchange at the gas station – 1 Cheer Point
  • Al singing “Let it Snow” – 1 Cheer Point
  • Man sneaking pieces of candy – 1 Cheer Point
  • “Christmas. It’s the time of Miracles” – 1 Cheer Point
  • Poinsettias as they drag away the body of Cokehead McGee – 1 Cheer Point
  • Screaming “It’s Christmas Eve!” at people when you don’t want to do things – 1 Cheer Point
  •  Infusing “Hallelujah” throughout the score – 3 Cheer Points
  • Mentioning Jesus – 1 Cheer Point (It’s when he sees the dynamite, but still)
  • Jingle bells heard during the climax – 2 Cheer Points
  • Returning a corporate gift by throwing it out of a building – 1 Cheer Point
  • Ending the film with “Let it Snow” – 3 Cheer Points

The Final Hot Chocolate

            As everyone knows,* a film needs to achieve 25 Cheer Points to earn Christmas movie status. Based on the tally above, it is absolutely clear that Die Hard is officially a Christmas movie. And an awesome one at that.

GRADE: A-

*I made this up

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