Episode 5: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

Pre-Screening Sips

  • At its time of release, The Desolation of Smaug brought the Hobbit films even closer to the spirit of LOTR and was widely praised as an improvement over An Unexpected Journey
  • I followed consensus and considered this is the best of the Hobbit movies after all three had been released

Post-Screening Snippets

  • Though I’m not concerned with an adaptation adding new material, the opening bar sequence with Gandalf and Thorin is a bit redundant
  • The comedic relief really comes through strong from the beginning in this entry
  • The new bad orc, Bolg, is a whole new level of uggo
  • Beorn, the man-bear, is part-bear (in the animal sense) and part-bear (in the gay sense)
  • The ring allowing Bilbo to understand spiders makes the ring 50% cooler and the spiders 50% less scary
  • LEGOLAS! MY BOYFRIEND’S BACK!
  • Evangeline Lilly may be a dumbass when it comes to how viruses work, but when it comes to being an action heroine, she’s a badass
  • Okay, as much as I enjoy these movies, Jackson’s weird frame rate choice might be what makes everything look a bit too CGI-y
  • I cannot explain just how badly I want the elf king’s crown…and robes…and skincare routine
  • The barrel escape sequence is one of the most exciting parts of the Hobbit trilogy, and it really amps up my wish to own a barrel
  • I love the sheer amount of Gandalf this movie has—especially when he shows off his iPhone flashlight powers against Sauron
  • Just like Rohan in Two Towers, the humans of Laketown dull things down a bit
  • Because this movie is so Thorin-focused, sometimes Bilbo pops up and it’s like “oh, yeah, you’re in this one too”
  • Note to self: look up “desolation”
  • “Go with all the luck you can muster” is the same pep talk I give myself before going to the casino
  • Benedict Cumberbatch should play all cinematic dragons moving forward
  • Tauriel and Legolas staying runway ready as they fight off the orcs makes me feel some things about how I look after going up a single flight of stairs
  • Bard’s provincial, little Beauty and the Beast kids are insufferable
  • This film knows how to do a cliffhanger right

The Final Pint

The Hobbit: The Deep-Voice of Smaug is more epic than its predecessor, bringing the prequel films closer to, but not quite matching, the Lord of the Rings.

GRADE: A-

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