Episode 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Directed by Mike Newell. Warner Bros., 2005.

Pre-Screening Sips

  • I remember episode four being particularly flashy, but it’s one I’d be unlikely to revisit on its own
  • Goblet of Fire is one of the movies that standouts the least in my mind, outside of the terrible haircuts and the awesome dragon fight

Post-Screening Snippets

  • The first PG-13 sequel decided it was going to make use of its rating by opening with a murder by Voldemort’s creepy baby hand
  • The way hooded march of the Death Eaters recalls the KKK is terrifying
  • I know each of the movies has its own color story, but everything is just a little too green
  • The cirque du soleil entrances of the two competing schools is both fabulous and hilarious
  • Mad-Eye Moody is the best nickname to give anyone you’re talking about behind their back, especially shitty professors
  • Do Big Stick or French Claire Danes have any lines in this movie?
  • Okay, I didn’t even read this book, and even I’m irate that Fumbledore spends this entire movie screaming
  • Miranda Richardson is divine as Rita Skeeter, president of TMZ for wizards
  • If I had a nickel for every time someone in one of these movies said, “Hogwarts isn’t safe anymore,” I would have as much money as Daniel Radcliffe
  • Hagrid’s little love story is the reason enough to watch this movie
  • The lover’s quarrel between Harry and Ron is the millennial’s ultimate greasy-haired puberty pity party
  • THE DRAGON IS SO COOL
  • It feels like the Weasley twins are in almost every scene
  • The way Snape channels his inner kween with each of his movements
  • An entire film crew watched the “Like a Hairy Troll” rock song moment happen and didn’t think it was the most embarrassing thing to happen in fantasy film
  • I do not appreciate that this movie makes mermaids terrifying sea monsters – mermaids should be confusingly sexy fish-people, end of discussion
  • Why is Dr. Who a lizard-man?
  • So really Harry has to go through the entire Tri-Wizard Tournament just so Wormtail can make Dark Lord Soup
  • Honestly, the entire Voldemort reveal would be so much more effective if Ralph Fiennes wasn’t channeling Norma Desmond for his performance
  • It really makes me mad that there is one girl in Tri-Wizard Tournament, and she can barely hang through any of the challenges
  • Early in the movie, they make mention that kids die in this tournament – if Cedric died by angry vine instead of Voldy, would there be such a big to-do?

The Final Potion

            Harry Potter and the Child Services Tournament is bigger in every way than the previous movies, bigger effects, bigger stakes, and even a bigger lady. It can’t help but feel a little unresolved with He Who Shall Not Have a Nose’s return in the climax, but it’s a fitting fantasy adventure, nonetheless.

GRADE: B+

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