December 11: 3615 code Père Nöel (1989)

3615 code Père Nöel. Directed by René Manzor. UGC, 1989.

Pre-Screening Sips

  • This is the only Christmas movie on the countdown of which I had never heard – it joins the list by recommendation
  • Is it a good or bad sign that this movie is only available through the horror streaming service, Shudder? (Under the name Deadly Games)
  • This movie also apparently also goes by several names because it’s an obscure French film

Post-Screening Snippets

  • The opening sequence is an insane play on the machismo 80s movies
  • I get that Thomas playing Rambo with his dog is supposed to be cute and fun, but there’s a chance he is torturing this poor pupper
  • This kid would totally end up on Shark Tank with his plan to acquire toys and sell them back to Santa
  • Well, you learn something new every day – today, it’s the French online text service, Minitel
  • Who would allow this poor kid to be immortalized on screen with this mullet?
  • If any parents need a scary PSA to show kids about the dangers of talking to strangers online, this is it
  • Thomas can do more with a junky 80’s computer than I can do with any piece of technology
  • Père Nöel is so incredibly frightening – the scene where he slaps a child left me shookith
  • As everyone knows, dogs dying in movies is far more traumatic than children, so I do feel obligated to mention a dog is killed
  • The score’s mix of hard rock and synth slasher vibes work so well
  • You know how in Home Alone, Kevin lays booby traps for burglars, and it’s all silly? So Père Nöel is like that, except Thomas’s traps are designed to hunt down a serial killer
  • This Christmas movie ends with all illusions of Christmas destroyed. It’s anti-cheer.

The Final Hot Chocolate

            I never would have found this movie without Christmas Countdown recommendations (shoutout to The Breckfast Club), and now it is certain to be my annual dark Christmas choice! 3615 code Père Nöel is dark, eerie, and had me guffawing at the sheer insanity. If you’ve ever wanted to see the Upside-Down version of Home Alone, grab your dummy email account and sign-up for the Shudder free trial.   

GRADE: A-

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